Who am I?
2/14/2016
2/12/2016
Goodbye
I'm sorry, this is a letter tht has nothing to do with cats. I post it here because I don't know other places to do it. But I HAD to write it. I hope you'll understand...
Dear David,
it's taking
me a lot of time to write this letter, nearly a month actually. I
still cannot believe you've gone away. I still don't want to believe
it. We've never met, but you were... you ARE so important to me that
it's hard to explain. I'll try to do it anyway.
It was 1987
and I was just 17. You came in Italy for the Glass Spider Tour and my
mother decided we had to come and see you in Milan (at that time I
lived in Naples). I did not really want to come and see you. Of
course I knew who you were, but I didn't really care much about you.
She quite forced me, somehow.
But I was a
good girl, so I came to see you... and from that very moment
everything changed forever! When I went back home that night I was
just not the same person I was before.
It was love
at first sight, I daresay. But not a “sentimental” kind of love.
It was much more than this.
I remember
having spent the next few years looking for anything about you: your
records, your history, your thoughts and maybe your very soul. And
every time I discovered something, I noticed that it would bring with
it still more new and fabulous things. It was like some sort of
magical plant that always carried new and fascinating flowers and
fruits. It brought constantly new things in my life. Lindsay Kemp,
for instance. And the decision to study mime for three years. And
then literature, and poetry, and arts, and music, and theatre...
these are just a few examples, but they changed dramatically the
course of my life. There are loads of things in my heart and in my
very soul that simply would not exist without you.
Then I
decided that I could actually become a writer, so I moved to Milan,
where I still live now. Oh, that was quite a big change to me. It was
not that I spent all my time listening to you and your songs. There
were times when I didn't even think about you for months. But, now I
know it, you were always there in the back of my mind and deep inside
my heart. You were my true inspiration. If I go and read the oldest
things I wrote, I can easily spot you everywhere, well hidden under
words and tales, like a precious jewel that had to be kept secret.
I even
managed to hide a few hints about you in a couple of stories I
published for Walt Disney comics magazines...
I saw you
singing three other times, but I've never tried to meet you. Only
once I wrote you a letter trying to thank you and explain how much
you were important for me, but I never sent it. It must still be here
in a drawer...
Do you want
to know a very silly thing? I was sure that sooner or later I would
work with you somehow. On a book, maybe. A wonderful book it had to
be. I did not consider myself a fan, I wanted no autographs or this
sort of things, I never talked about you. Not even my partner knew I
like you so much until last month. He simply did not expect it. Oh,
but I was so sure that we were going to work together that I never
even dreamed to try to contact you somehow, not even when I could
actually do it. Only I was waiting to come up to you. To be good
enough to work with you. And I've been waiting too long. That moment
never came, because I was too much lazy and scared. I will never,
never forgive me for this. This will be the biggest regret of my
life. Nothing and no one can fix it.
That's quite
silly, isn't it?
When I knew
you died I felt totally crushed, overwhelmed by this event. And I
still feel like this. I never expected I could feel like this. It
hurts a lot. I've had losses in my life, people I dearly loved have
died, and it was always painful. But not a half as painful as this.
And then I feel ashamed and guilty for feeling like this, because I
know I have no right to be so. I was not a relative of yours, not a
friend, not even “a true fan”... but I simply can't help it. I'm
heartbroken. And I also know that this will be another great change
in my life, because it touched things inside of me I thought might be
forgotten forever. It's going to turn everything upside down. Nothing
will ever be the same. I'm not the same person I was at the beginning
of the year, just like it had happened that night in 1987. Only this
time it hurts a lot...
Now I'm
actually a writer and a cartoonist. Maybe a poor writer and a poor
cartoonist, but it's still something I would have never done if it
were not for you. And maybe one day I'll be able to write something
really good, and new, and beautiful. And I know that if this will
happen it will be because of your inspiration. If I'll ever be able
to create from that magical plant a single beautiful flower I'll owe
it to you: that will be your flower!
David,
forgive me, I'm just a silly thing and I don't really believe in
anything, but I still hope that my message could reach you somehow:
thank you for everything! Thank you!
I love you,
and I will love you forever and ever!
Yours,
Ilaria
5/01/2014
Cats and feet
4/30/2014
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